In The Moment

afterlight

The other day, I was looking through old video clips from just after D’s first birthday. In one, he’s looking at the camera and then he turns to me and says “mu-jic?” and waits for me to start singing. I sing Twinkle Twinkle and he enthusiastically raises his chubby little fist in to the air and then the video ends. Watching that clip reminded me that there was a phase when D was obsessed with Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and among his limited vocabulary, one of his favorite words to yell was “MU-JIC??” There were mornings I’d be annoyed with my chubby little one-year old, and was tired of singing the same darn song like a broken jukebox. It was just last year that I felt like I’d never sing the end of Twinkle Twinkle but until I’d rewatched that clip …  I’d forgotten all about that phase.

It suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks that yes, it does go by too fast. Us young moms, when we’re in the thick of it, the daily grind seems like it’ll never end. How many times a day can my toddler up-end an entire box of Legos onto the playroom floor? How many tantrums will he throw because I told him he couldn’t play with our Vitamix blender?

I hear the seasoned mothers & empty nesters constantly chirping at me to enjoy it, enjoy it, enjoy it; that once our babies’ childhoods are gone, they’re really gone and you can’t get it back. The truth of those sentiments hit me harder than it’s ever hit me before. Part of me actually longed to reach into my phone screen and cuddle that little baby who looked nothing like the active 2-year old currently running around my living room.

And I know that I’ll blink and in a moment my 2-year old will be replaced with an older, different, version of D and my toddler will be forever gone. I don’t want to look back at video clips and photos of this current season of parenting and feel like I didn’t take advantage of the time I had. Lately I’ll admit I’ve been frustrated with D – he’s going through his “TERRIFIC 2’s” as my mom likes to call it – and it seems like every single part of the day is such a battle with him. BUT! When he’s 15 and stinky and not able to fit into my lap, I know I’m going to long for the days when all he wanted to do was be held in my arms and snuggled. I want to be more intentional about looking D in the eyes and enjoying him for all he is right now, tantrums and all.

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